The time is twelve o’clock. I’m on my couch, alone in my apartment. My hood is pulled up over my head, giving me the feel of Moon Knight or Green Arrow or maybe even a Hooded Ronin, and it adds fuel to my imagination’s fire. Darkness lies both outside in the midnight sky, and inside in my apartment, where the room is lit solely by the TV on mute. I sit in this moment and all I can be is in the now, but all I can think about is the future. Tomorrow. What will I do tomorrow that will validate me as person? What will I write, what will I say, what story will I tell, to get me closer to achieving my goals?
Possibly nothing. Maybe everything. I will not know until I try. I’m thinking about myself in this moment and why I am the way I am. Why I do the things I do. The only answers I find inside are that I have a steel stubbornness built into my frame work. That’s really the answer for all of my whys. Why am I tired? Because I put everything I had into working out to beat my best time in this year’s Monument 10k race. Why don’t I have any money? Because I’m saving it dollar by dollar to use in chasing my dream. Why am I chasing my dream? Because I refuse to settle for anything less. I will chase it in every way possible for as long as I have to. What is my dream?
My dream is being able to tell stories and support myself doing it. My dream is to spend everyday working on the next story. Its something that I thrive on. I can explore my emotions through storytelling, or communicate a very personal piece of myself and my experiences to complete strangers. I can create fun stories and exciting stories that put you in the moment! I think about the times I’ve read stories and felt the tragedy of Cyclops holding Jean Grey’s lifeless body, the redemption as Hal Jordan returns to life and again becomes the Green Lantern of sector 2814, or the goose bumps on my skin as Kitty Pryde first sees Colossus after years of thinking him dead… Yes, these are comics.
Comics are incredible to me because of the extraordinary abilities and events that are housed within them. Fantasy at it’s purest, in storytelling perfectly paired with art at its best! It’s truly a gateway into another state of mind and in some ways another reality where anything is possible. Who doesn’t want a world like that? I feel lucky to be able to write stories that take me to another place. That allow me to create people who are able to do things I could never do. It’s something I will do for as long as I’m alive, success or not. I look forward to the day where I can have grand kids sitting around and listening to my crazy stories! I was once asked if I could ever write a story, a secret story, that no one would ever see but me. I answered absolutely yes. Who says I haven’t already? In fact, most of the stories I’ve written have never been seen…but I’m going to change that.
With each new project I start I risk golden success or degrading failure. I won’t stop though. I’ll learn from the failures and I’ll build a foundation to reach the sky with from each success. I’ll never be content or complacent with where I am, I will always strive for the new, ambitious, and innovative. I’ve coined the phrase ‘The world is ours to make’ and it’s something I truly believe. I can make my own future where I live happily ever after. I have to believe that, because the alternative destroys me. Maybe not in a literal sense, but if I didn’t at least try, I’d be nothing. I Refuse to be nothing. This is why. Why I write, why I work, why I live, and this is why I will make it.